The smile on my face falters and vanishes
like the sun chasing away the remnants of morning mist
The shattering of my heart inside my chest is a searing pain
a terrifying audible sound in my ears…….
The cold, empty room banishes any lingering warmth
I had left to feel,
my warm body traded for the coldness of a corpse.
I stand there and stare at you
the shock of your words vibrating through my bones….
There is nothing I can do to stop the panic I feel
my breathing so harsh it threatens to consume me in blackness.
At this point I could turn and walk away, but I can’t
I am rooted to this very spot,
afraid to take my eyes off of you….
afraid you will disappear with the blink of my eye.
How could you turn on me like a venomous snake,
an unthinking, unfeeling beast?
Have you come to destroy my heart and soul?
Was it your plan from the beginning to steal away
the biggest, most vulnerable part of me?
Righteous indignation now swells to bursting in my veins….
my eyes narrow and glower at my target,
fueled by the raw, aching wound of your betrayal.
I am now an unwilling captive of of this torment…
yet you stand there unscathed, unharmed and unaccountable for your actions.
I tremble with rage as I walk toward you,
but freeze before I can strike out at your face…..
I am gripped by the very love I have for you,
the love that is now a perverted, twisting plague that I know will devour me if I cannot escape it…..
It isn’t fair…..
It isn’t fair…..
You give me that small smile that used to make my knees weak
but now only makes my guts clench, making me ill….
For I know I shall never turn in my bed to see your face again
smiling at me like some beautiful angel
as the morning sun shines through the window on your face…..
No…..I cannot forgive you….not now, not yet…..
and no I cannot accept you back into my arms,
though you say you are truly sorry and profess your love…..
Where did this get me before?
What will come of me now?
Though it kills me and goes against everything inside me,
I turn and walk away…..
Away from the one person I ever loved more than life…..
My mind knowing I must get away to protect what is left of my heart,
to try and seek healing and somehow survive this…..
My heart begging me to stay and pull you in my arms, to comfort you in your regret…..
I falter in my stride away from you and turn to glimpse you
one last time…..
But you are not watching,
you cannot even look me in the eye.
My heart twinges in pity and love for you and I hate myself for that…..
Just when I feel I will go back to you,
I turn and run as far and as fast as I can,
not daring to stop or look back again…..
I WILL SURVIVE….
~ Celeste ~